7 Reasons People Disappear from Church

• By Ron Edmondson
• Posted on December 13th, 2011
• 9 Comments

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One frustration I have had in ministry is watching people come to church, get excited for a time, then disappear. You spend energy and heart on people, grow to love them and get excited about them, and suddenly they are nowhere to be found. These people don’t transfer to another church. I’m okay with that if it helps them better grow in their relationship with Christ. I’m talking about people who quit going to church altogether.

What happens to them?

I’ve found the same 7 reasons repeated continually. Perhaps you have seen this too.

Here are 7 reasons people disappear from church:

Burn out - These people came out of the gate too strong in the church. They showed up, got excited, and signed up for everything. They got so busy doing church they failed to enjoy being the church.

Injury - People inside the church can be cruel. These people experienced some of those people and they couldn’t get over it.

Distractions - These people got distracted by seemingly good things. Over time, their lifestyle of attending becomes the habit of not attending.

Life change – These people had a lifestyle change, such as divorce or re-marriage, or they move to a new community and never connect with a church.

Mistakes - These people messed up…they made a mistake and the place that should dispense grace appears to refuse it. Many times this is more perception than reality and based on the way a person feels about themselves, but sadly sometimes it is reality.

Power struggle – These people had an agenda and when it wasn’t met and when they couldn’t overpower the system, they left.

Immaturity – These people never grew spiritually; there was never any depth to their faith, so church soon became a chore rather than a joy.

Pastors, is this frustrating to you? How do you address these issues?

What other reasons would you add to my list?

Ron Edmondson is Lead Pastor of Grace Community Church in Clarksville, Tenn.
Connect with Ron: Google+ | Twitter | Facebook | LinkedIn | Blog

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Comments

1. mikelundberg says:

   Ron I can think of three more:
   1. Sin
   2. Selfishness
   3. Sourness
   None of these reasons or yours are easy to deal with. They all take their toll on the heart of a pastor.
   • December 14th 2011 at 10:00 AM

2. linda marie says:

   Sometimes people are not appreciated -- they become "weary in well-doing" without anyone to encourage them. It's hard to sit in a pew week after week feeling lonely and ignored...
   • December 14th 2011 at 10:24 AM

3. revjimparsons says:

   My biggest struggle is the not knowing. I heard today that a family is now church shopping. I have no clue why. I have attempted to be in contact with them during their two year absence from our congregation but with no real luck (they never called back). But why? The questions that keep plaguing me is "what did I do?" "What did the congregation do?" "What happened?"
   
   When a family/individual leaves it seems to be completely one sided. They leave for their reasons and only a few share why. This means there is no possible way to mend the relationship, ask for forgiveness (if needed), or learn from past mistakes.
   
   It is the unknown that drives me crazy.
   • December 14th 2011 at 10:25 AM

4. BishopAndrew says:

   As I have said many times having worked with and ministered to "the unchurched" the one reason that I hear most often is the one that involves injury real or imagined. The second is frankly and it pains me to say is that more and more people find "church" irrelevant!
   When I see the slick advertisements that evangelicals in particular seem to afflict people with I see the market place and branding at work and this perhaps above all else is why people leave "the church" becuase they see no difference in religiosity and the market place and given the choice they had as soon be entertained elsewhere. The American "brand" of Christianity is largely counterfeit and has been for a long time becuase it reflects and serves the great god of consumerism! When I hear of "mega churches" it turns my stomach for these are not churches these are corporations in religious garb and language.
   • December 14th 2011 at 10:40 AM

5. pastoredpeterson says:

   good list. And I think only a pastor can understand- when some one leaves, other than having a true Acts 13, it hurts the heart of a pastor. Great to know this is a common heart felt issue.
   • December 14th 2011 at 10:44 AM

6. Hardaway says:

   Good information! I like how it is not a church slamming perspective but lifts up how life impacts our church going. A challenge to the church is how can we meet people at this critical crossroads and be relevant to them there?
   • December 14th 2011 at 11:17 AM

7. frankjacob1 says:

   The inability of having the deep pain that they hold in their hearts relieved drives people out of church. People come in with smiles and hope. Smiles that they have a church home, and hope that the deep pain they feel will be resolved,. Once that hope is dashed they leave. No one enters a church proclaiming they are hurting. The come seeking to fit in and find healing. The 7 reasons are the visible symptoms but the real issue is unresolved pain in their hearts.
   • December 14th 2011 at 11:30 AM

8. revjudyj says:

   I have moved and am attending worship where my son and family attend. The sermons are awesome and the music is wonderful. I have become involved in homeless ministry and part of the music program. If, however, I decide to church shop it will be because it seems like I have not really "connected" with folks. The reality is I have only been here 6 weeks and that really is not enough time to make a relationship that goes beyond an hour of worship and "the peace of Christ be with you" moment. My landlord and I have had more meaningful conversations in less time than any or all of the new church activities I have participated in. I am not complaining; I am only observing. How do we in the church, in our fast paced society and activitiy filled lives, create and then communicate there is a safe place in God's kingdom for that deeper conversation that will help the deep pain mentioned above? How do we build trust?
   • December 15th 2011 at 9:00 AM

9. gp3333 says:

   1. No opportunity to serve
   2. Moved away and before they got involved in a local church discovered that could still grow spiritually and fellowship with christians outside of the confines of a church meeting
   3. Corruption in the church
   4. False doctrine taught in the church
   • December 15th 2011 at 12:49 PM