Over the past few weeks, I’ve had several conversations with friends new and old where one or the other of us will ask, “How’s your heart?” Among my closest friends, this question is a welcome invitation into the deeper places. We dive below the surface of customary pleasantries into the depth of true connection. However, for some friends this question evokes a guarded, sometimes cynical response, “What do you mean? Or why do you care?”

I used to be that cynic. Years ago, I was accustomed to living life like a secret agent. There was the me that everyone could see, smiling and friendly; there was the me that nobody knew, shameful and scared. I came to the point where the pain of staying the same was greater than the pain of change. I had to reconcile the differences between the external and internal me’s; I chose to live a life of integrity. 

The alignment of the two me’s required vulnerability with God, myself and others. I had to admit that I didn’t have it all together, didn’t have all the answers, didn’t always know what I was doing…still don’t. I had to let go of perfection and performance. I realized it takes courage to be vulnerable.  (Brene’ Brown talks about this in her TedTalk “The Power of Vulnerability”. )

So here I am eight years after that Season of Reckoning. What have I learned? I could write for days, but here are my top three take-aways:

1. God loves me…even in my mess. His love is far wider, deeper and higher than I ever imagined (Ephesians 3:14-19).
2. Being real draws people to me. When I am open, I give others permission to be open too.  Together we can walk in the light (I John 1:7)
3. The bittersweetness of life is what makes it so beautiful. The sorrows make the joys that much more worth celebrating. It’s “beauty for ashes” kind of living (Isaiah 61:3).

Embracing the journey this way is not easy. In fact, some days it really hurts. But now that I’ve had a taste of raw and real love, I cannot settle for a substitute. It reminds me of the nighttime conversation between the Rabbit and the Skin Horse in The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

My prayer for each of us is this: “May we be ruined for the Ordinary, infected by His love, and never satisfied with anything less than the Real, in Jesus’ name.”