Why No Calvinist Should Ever Be a Cubs Fan

December 12th, 2013

Calvinists believe that the future is as fixed as the past, even though it has not happened yet. For them, God has already determined everything that will happen, how it will happen, and what the implications will be of it happening.

For this reason, I’m often rather confused when my Calvinist friends say things like, “Well, I just got lucky,” or, “Wow, that was random.” It’s confusing because, for them, there is nothing truly lucky or random in the world. Everything —EVERYTHING —that happens falls under the sovereign dictates of God, who meticulously determines all things —good and bad.

Knowing Calvinists believe these things, I’m even more confused by why a Calvinist would ever watch a sporting event. What’s the purpose of this? After all, the winner of the 2014 World Series is, for them, as fixed a reality as the winner of the 2004 World Series. Nothing can happen to alter that future reality. Carlos Beltran cannot get lucky and thwart God’s determined winner.

I suppose the only argument my Calvinists might be able to use is that watching sports is just entertainment for them. I, for example, will record the Missouri Tiger football game if I won’t be able to watch it live. By the time I’m able to sit down and watch the recording, the winner of the game is already a fixed historical reality, but I still watch the game for the thrill of seeing who will win.

Nevertheless, I still think that whereas I can watch a game with emotion and wonder, “WOW, THAT WAS A LUCKY CATCH,” my Calvinist friends, if they are consistent Calvinists, must watch the game without the wonder and awe (of the game). Their responses to “lucky” catches must be, “That catch was an amazing display of God keeping every atom under his sovereign control so that he could actively dictate the winner of this game.”

Which brings me to my next thought…

If you’re a New York Yankees fan and a Calvinist, this isn’t too much of a problem for you. After all, apparently God has sovereignly determined that your team should be a perpetual winner. God has displayed his electing favor upon your team.

But what I don’t understand is my Calvinist friends who are Chicago Cubs or Cleveland Browns fans.

Really? Why would you put yourself through that torture?

Even the secular media’s rhetoric surrounding these teams is filled with elements of divine cursing. The Cubs are notoriously known for being cursed by God, and the Calvinists have to believe God sent Steve Bartman to ruin their season! The Browns have to wear brown bags over their faces every Sunday because almost every week God hates them more than other NFL teams.

Even if a Calvinist could justify watching sports, I see no reason —NO REASON! —why any sane person would root for a team so obviously cursed by God himself. After all, if, in God’s determination, next Sunday’s football games are as determined as last week’s football games, then there is no point in rooting for someone predestined to lose more games than they win.

Well, no reason except for self-hatred. But, then, I’ve always suspected all Cubs and Browns fans have to have at least a little self-hatred —even the Arminian ones.

This post originally appeared on Tom's blog,  The Fuerst Shall Be Last.  

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